I want you to understand

I wish that for one day someone could walk in my shoes, see things through my eyes, feel everything that I do, be able to know everything that goes through my head. Good or bad. I want you to understand what my day is like. I want you to understand what your words do to me. I want you to understand these depressing thoughts that go through my head all the time. I want you to feel what I feel when I think about what you say to me. I want you to understand everything. Don't think for one second that your words don't hurt. 

What am I afraid of losing when I have nothing?

Everyone still can't see past my fake smile and look down deep to see the real me for once.
Do they even want to?

I can say I have friends. Just "friends"
Not the kind of friends that will notice when I'm having a bad day though.
Just the friends that want to take you along for your oppinion cuz they know that you won't say something bad about them.

I've become a good liar.
I can lie straight to your face and you don't care enough to tell whether or not I'm lying.
You don't care enough to reach out to me.

But did I ever try to reach out to you?
No.
Did I ever call you at 2AM because I couldn't sleep because I had way too much on my mind?
Did I ever roll my sleeve up and show you my scars so you would actually see them for once and not hide them?
No.
Did I ever make an attempt to talk to you about myself?
No.
So I guess I can't blame just you.